As this Easter Sunday quickly approaches I remember back one year ago this time sitting on the edge of the Nile and contemplating the significance of the crucifixion and resurrection.
I spent time with an amazing friend of mine the other day who had been a teacher in Uganda while I was there and we got to talking about how powerful that Easter last year had been. I decided to do some digging in my journals and blog posts to bring back the raw thoughts and feelings I had last year...
I found the following post/journal and it stirred my heart again to realize the beauty and power of this amazing remembrance day. (It's a 5 minute read, just to forewarn you.)
My hope is that in posting this again it might renew in you a sense of the awe and power of the crucifixion and resurrection, that you might picture yourself there at the cross and see the incredible love offered there at Calvary; the precious sacrifice of the shepherd for his sheep...
Oleota (“How are you?”) Friends! I hope your past weekend was wonderful, that you were able to slow down enough to take in the depth of the holiday.
I spent Good Friday through Easter afternoon a few feet away from the Nile really taking the time to reflect on the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. Early on Friday night I sat down by the water, praying that God would make me understand the death and resurrection in a new way. I wanted the knowledge I had from growing up in the church to be renewed in deeper understanding that would impact my heart.
What is the heart of the crucifixion? What is the heart of the resurrection? Sure, the easy answer is, “the heart of Christ was to take away the sins of the world and so glorify the Father.” But personally what does that look like? How does that speak to me individually?
This is somewhat where I was sitting Friday night on the bank of the Nile. So I thought about how I view myself in relation to the cross: Do I see myself at the foot of the cross looking up at the atonement sacrifice? Do I see myself as the soldier nailing him to the wood? Do I see myself standing away from the crowd and looking on from a safe distance? Where in that picture am I?
On the bumpy and always eventful (we almost hit a goat on the way there and a cow on the way back) drive to Jinja (where the source of the Nile is found) I had finished reading through John and glanced back through my underlines in Isaiah… and as I sat beside the Nile, my mind trying to draw an image of me there at Calvary, three verses resonated:
Isaiah 53:6
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
Isaiah 40:11
He tends his flock like a shepherd;
He gathers the lambs in his arms
And carries them close to his heart
John 10:11
I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
With these verses in mind I again tried to picture myself in relation to the cross. The picture came to me of what Calvary must have looked like that Friday: Three crosses. Three condemned men. Christ there in the center… I finally saw myself there beside him… hanging on my own cross.
What?! You must be thinking, but follow me… I believe the truth of Isaiah 53:6, that I was a lamb gone astray, turned to my own way, I have known the Bible well enough to know how far my sin has separated me from God. My life story has not been perfect, plenty of ugly chapters in there. And so every time I have felt guilty or ashamed of some sin in my life I have done what I think many of us do: In realization of my depravity and convicted of what a sinner I am… I have remained in control.
Many times I have built a cross of condemnation and have thrown myself upon it. In guilt and frustration and shame I have suffered on my cross, alone. Though it has brought pain and deep feelings of remorse, in the end it only brings death.
Such a cross and such a death is only that. It is nothing more than self-made condemnation, self-made punishment and self-imposed death. There is no redemption in this death. Beyond such a cross there are only more tombs ready to swallow life and keep the criminal bound to the grave. Though it seems at the time a justified punishment that might gain freedom, the result is only more death and more bondage. There the sinner becomes a slave of Guilt, Shame, The Past, Regret…
I realized as I sat there that this kind of punishment and suffering is ultimately rooted in controlling pride and unbelief:
In this suffering I remain in control, I can do it by myself (for those who know me well you know my self-discipline… I can beat myself and tear myself apart over things I do that fall short of the glory of God). I can make myself feel the pangs of guilt and regret again and again until I feel raw inside. So in one sense I am in control when I impose this condemnation on myself- I suffer alone without needing anyone else to suffer with me, let alone for me.
On a deeper level, this self-condemnation and self-punishment mocks the sacrifice of Christ, belittles what Jesus did by boasting that alone my suffering and my death is sufficient. In unbelief my self-punishment claims that if I suffer like Christ did (not with him but like him) then I will be justified before God. Hanging on my own cross and suffering alone boldly affirms doubt… that maybe the sacrifice of Christ was not enough.
In such a way, I have many times thrown myself on my own cross and suffered alone.
But sitting beside the Nile with these thoughts pulsating, the verse from Isaiah 53 halted me. I was a blemished lamb. I had gone astray. In Hebrew law an atonement sacrifice for sins had to be unblemished and pure. This was acceptable to God to cover for sins. A blemished lamb could not atone.
But in God’s grace there was provision. Christ came as the pure, perfect lamb to atone for my sins and to do what I never could on my own. He came as the tender shepherd that takes me from my cross of condemnation and death and holds me close to his heart. He came as the good shepherd that lays down his life for his sheep, and by him my iniquity and condemning guilt was suffered and atoned for.
I could not do this alone on my own cross.
It was on my cross that the atonement sacrifice was offered. It was on my cross that God judged my sin. It was on my cross that Jesus died.
Not in clinging to my cross are my sins atoned for, but in clinging to Christ there on my cross.
You see, the mystery of the crucifixion and resurrection is this: I could not do it, but Christ did. And only in clinging to him do I identify with his suffering and his death and his resurrection. The power and freedom over death and in life is not found in the cross, it is in Christ.
I have to let go. I have to let go of my control, my pride and my unbelief. I have to die to those things and let go. Essentially, I have to let go of my cross. And I have to allow the shepherd to come and gather me in his arms and hold me close to his heart.
In this understanding, the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus speaks in a powerfully personal way… as I sat there on the Nile this is what I wrote from the perspective of the One who laid down his life…
“I have come to set you free from the cross that condemns you and brings you death… the cross you are hanging on. The cross you cling to is too much for you. Come, come into my arms my precious lamb. Look into the eyes of your shepherd. Let me hold you close to my heart so you might understand my love for you. Come away from your cross and fall into my arms. Here I am.
Two were crucified beside me. Both suffered their just punishment. One knew that to suffer beside me is not enough.
Oh precious lamb! Don’t you see a blemished sacrifice cannot bring atonement and forgiveness?
You have suffered and died on your cross. From the grave I have gathered you in my arms. Today your cross will no longer have victory over you. Today, my precious lamb, the shepherd will lay down his life for you.
You see my precious lamb; your death is not enough…
Come into my arms, close to my heart…
And as the nails are driven into my hands, as my feet are pierced, as my body is crushed, as the thorns tear into my face… cling to me.
The cross is not the sacrifice, my precious lamb. I am. Cling to me. Cling to my death on your cross.
Cling to me in death and you will find the glory of my life. As the cross was death, I am life. Cling to me in death and you will know life. Cling to me and live. Come my precious lamb and be cleansed by my blood and my water.
My piercing, my crushing, my wounds, my life- has conquered the cross that cursed you. Cling no more to the cross, it has been defeated and has lost its power. See, it is clinging to me that the curse is broken. It is finished.
Not by the power of your suffering or by clinging to your cross… but by being held in my arms through suffering and death, in clinging to me as your Savior and Redeemer, as my blood and water cleanses you… here is the power of life. I have taken your curse. I have conquered. And I have brought you into covenant.
At Calvary, in my arms, you have been ransomed and I have betrothed you to me as my beloved bride. In righteousness and justice, love and compassion and faithfulness I have betrothed you to me. Arise my beloved! From the victory of life over death I have come for you, my bride.
I pour on you the oil of gladness! I clothe you in a pure white gown of praise! I bestow on you a crown of beauty!
I betroth you to me forever. No one will take you out of my hands.
I have overcome the depravity that separated you from my Father and one with me you have become his child. The Righteous Judge looks on you as he looks on me and you are not condemned. He calls you ‘child’. I have brought you into the covenant of the Father; the love covenant of mercy, grace and life.
From a filthy lamb gone astray, my death and my life has redeemed you and made you my precious bride, a child of the King. Now the life you live, you live in me. .
Cling to me, my precious bride and live in freedom and in life in this covenant.
Come, come cling to me.”
My heart swelled with love and praise as I saw this amazing picture of redemption. The mystery of the crucifixion and resurrection is that I could never do it. But Christ did.
In the picture of Calvary I am clinging to Christ in his death and life… as he conquers my cross.
I am praying now as I finish up this email that you will be touched to understand the death and life of Christ in such a way. By God’s grace I pray you will cling to him.
May you let go of your cross and cling to the Savior.
Clinging to him,
Brittany
